Tangoul, marul niciodata muscat

Am asistat la un spectacol de tango, una din manifestarile artistice ce au avut loc cu ocazia Syros Tango Festival, in Ermoupolis, capitala insulei, in incinta Teatrului Apollon, o bijuterie arhitecturala denumit si Mica Scala din Milano. In ciuda decorului nobil si elegant, si a privirilor pline de sobrietate ale marilor maestri ai muzicii si artei, ale caror portrete alcatuiesc cupola impresionanta a teatrului, navalnicul si imprevizibilul tango s-a potrivit de minune. Dincolo de dorinta pasionala si a erotismului galant al cuplului din tango, de data aceasta expresia scenica a dansului a adus in mintea mea o alta cheie interpretativa. Mi s-a parut ca tangoul este o ilustrare foarte buna a teoriei relatiei de obiect, asa cum a descris-o psihanalistul britanic W. R. Fairbairn, autorul celebrei sintagme: libido is not pleasure-seeking but object-seeking. Tocmai plecand de la aceasta expresie, tangoul pare o continua cautare a celuilalt niciodata avut, dar mereu seducator. Ispita este o eterna promisiune a unei intalniri care nu se intampla insa niciodata pentru esenta cuplului este o continua fuga.

In Fairbairn’s view the relationship to the mother has two fundamental features: a gratifying component and an ungratifying component. The ungratifying aspect is further separable since it consists of not just rejection, but rejection following some sense of hope or promise. Thus, the child has three different experiences of mother: gratifying mother; enticing mother; and depriving mother. As the original relationship to the real, external mother becomes unsatisfactory, it is internalized. The result, however, is not a single internal relationship, but three, corresponding to the three features of the external relationship with the mother. The three internal objects which are separated out Fairbairn terms: the ideal object (the gratifying aspects of the mother); the exciting object (the promising and enticing aspects of the mother); and the rejecting object (the depriving, withholding aspects of the mother).

Respingerea celuilalt este in mod paradoxal acompaniata mereu o speranta si de o noua promisiune de regasire. Nu este un abandon, ci este o inlantuire, tocmai prin prezenta insuportabila, dar absolut vitala a unui obiect idealizat. Atata timp cat nu este posibila uniunea cu celalalt si predarea reciproca, devine imposibila si separarea. Este o suita de rupturi neasteptate care care marcheaza tiparului unei legaturi nesigure, una in care celalalt devine un obiect rau, care nu ofera ceea ce promite.

The consequence of what Fairbairn regards as an unnatural separation is that early relations with objects become „bad,” or depriving. It becomes too painful to long for and depend on an object which is physically or emotionally absent a good deal of the time. Therefore, the child establishes internal objects inside himself, which act as substitutes and solutions for unsatisfying relationships with real external objects. These objects are wholly compensatory, unnatural, and not dictated by the biological object-seeking nature of libido. 

Asadar, scena interna a cuplului din tango este un triptic in care cei doi parteneri alterneaza trecerea prin cele trei obiecte (idealizat, excitant, rejectiv) ce infatiseaza aspecte clivate ale unui Eu ancorat intr-o dependenta infantila. Iesirea din acest circuit vicios ar fi ca unul dintre cei doi parteneri sa se opreasca si sa il astepte pe celalalt, sa reziste impulsului de a-l cauta, de a-l pretinde, de a-l cere. Dependenta matura ar fi cea care ar permite existenta schimbului si acceptarea diferentei. Cea care ar accepta existenta celuilalt ca un obiect intreg si nu doar ca o prelungire reconfortanta a dorintei / nevoii celui care il cauta. Cea care ar pune capat unei seductii necontenite si urii aferente unei promisiuni neindeplinite si ar permite aparitia unei intalniri pline de naturalete, a unei simtiri comune, a unui cuplu care a supravietuit propriei dorintei de a se mistui, propriei combustii interne. A unui cuplu in care fiecare in parte se simte iubit si valorizat in adevar si nu doar ca urmare a unei promisiuni in asteptare.

The transitional phase bridges relations with objects based on infantile dependence and relations with objects based on mature dependence. It entails a renunciation of compulsive attachments to objects based on primary identification and merger in favor of relationships based on differentiation and exchange. This is an enormously difficult developmental step, and one which is never fully complete. The great fear here is of separation and loss of objects altogether. From Fairbairn’s point of view the ego, with its object-seeking libidinal qualities, requires objects to survive. To achieve maturity, the child must renounce his dependent relations with his actual, external parents and experience himself as fully differentiated and separate from them, and he must renounce as well his intense attachments to his compensatory internal objects, which have provided him with whatever sense of security and continuity was missing in his real relationships with his parents. In order for this crucial process to take place, the child must feel loved as a person in his own right and believe that his own love is welcomed and valued. 

Tango-ul pare a fi o ilustrare a unui corp si a unei minti asemenea unui mar dorit, dar niciodata muscat. Mereu admirat si poftit, dar totodata interzis. Un mar seducator, el insusi in cautarea unei guri continatoare, una care sa il cuprinda si nu doar sa il sfarme. Nu se lupta cu nimeni, dar se simte invins, spunea Lucian Blaga, sugerand tristetea unei cautari ce are la capat doar o himera.

Cristina Calarasanu

este psihoterapeut si membru fondator al Asociatiei Romane de Psihanaliza a Legaturilor de Grup si Familie.

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Foto: tejastango.com